Had a portfolio review with Prof Parsons today. He noticed that I hadn’t put down a major- which is something important when you’re in a figure drawing class and the professor needs to gauge what he sees in your portfolio; a photography student’s work is going to be judged a lot differently from an illustration student’s work. I hadn’t put anything, though. It was at the beginning of the semester and I don’t know what I was thinking. Just a blank there.
So I told him about it. Right now my emphasis is declared to be in graphic design but I left it blank (and maybe, it occurs to me now, that I was probably already dissatisfied with it at the beginning of the semester,) and I’m thinking of switching it to maybe photography or illustration.
(I already told you on Monday about the photography thing, and the illustration thing I only decided today. The reason I that I’m thinking of changing to photography is because it’s got a nice blend of science and tech and all that, and art. You have to, know shutter speeds and aperture ratios and lighting and think about all that and the composition and the storytelling, and I love all of that, and I already love photographing things.
(And then there’s illustration. Illustration majors get to, illustrate. There’s fun little projects they do which are displayed on the walls and, hold on let me see if I can show you right now, I happen to be sitting in front of some of that as I write this, lemme see if I can snap a pic with my cellphone and send it to myself:
(How dope is technology, that I’d be able to do that, and how dope is an illustration major, that one would be able to make like, little model reference sheets like that.)
So Leon Parsons, instead of talking about the portfolio I had, gave me advice about my major. (Not the first time it’s happened- I’ve chatted with Prof Keller about it, and my exit interview with my mission president, President Workman, went into detail about how good for me it would be to get an education: as much formal education as possible, so that people would be able to see my degree and go, “whooo, that’s nice.”)
Prof Parsons asked me how far along I am- I’ve got no idea. How much I’ve got left, and, well I have figured this one out, like one more class before I’m good to graduate. So this is the advice he tells me: don’t graduate. Don’t graduate.
I’m getting grant money for having credits in my major- but the government doesn’t care. They don’t care which major, that is. As long as I’m taking classes and maintaining my GPA, they’re incentivising me to get educated. If I’ve got more classes left to take, I’ve got more money left with which to take them. Graduate, and it’s all dried up.
He tells me- my majors I’m interested in switching to, photography, illustration, those are about the image; graphic design is about a puzzle. And the fact that I chose both alternatives as being about the image tells us something. Graphic design, they hand some project to you and you have to figure it out, typographically and everything. Photography and illustration, you use your skills to make an image, while telling a story in that image, and using technique enough so that it’s as clear as possible and not distracting. Which sounds amazing.
So.
I took a break from the rest of class (it’s just models posing and students practicing drawing them) to have a lie-down on the bench in the locker room, singing Battle Born and Songs of Innocence to myself, and letting everything soak.
Clearly I was questioning at the beginning of the semester, having that field all blank on my dossier, but I wasn’t serious about it until now. I’m switching majors from graphic design.
I’ve been holding on for some reason- well, I’m genuinely showing some modicum of improvement, like maybe I’m actually in the 2nd or 3rd percentile of graphic designers now, and so that was encouraging. There’s a word for that point you hit, when you’re good enough that you realize how bad you are. And it gets really discouraging when you hit that point, and a lot of people quit, but I, like Tricky Dick, have never been a quitter.
But it goes beyond whether one is “a quitter.” Sometimes you’re bad at something because you’re genuinely bad at it. The question of, when to hold them and when to fold them, I generally answer to hold them. (I’m a pack rat even. It all fits together.) Failure I’m used to, but not “giving up.” Like the gazelle says, though- don’t give up, but try everything. Those are two different messages, and I just now realized that.
It’s going to be tough, maybe, to go in and get a change so close to the completion of my declared major. Especially at this school, which is literally anal about getting people in and out and graduated so that other students can come in, and actually actively tells you that you’re being selfish and that you’re overstaying your welcome if you stay more semesters than you need.
But I can’t school like this. I can’t graduate in a major I’m no good at and I don’t enjoy. (I enjoy learning about it, but having to apply the learning, by doing projects and, more projects, is somewhere between not much fun and sheer torture.)
I’ve got a few compelling points for the major office (or whatever that’s called again; I’ve been in there a couple of times to determine course track and everything previously) should I need to persuade them, though:
- If I go out into the world right now, I won’t have any skillz. They can’t dump me into the world like that.
- It’s not changing a major technically; it’s just changing my emphasis within the major. Maybe that’s significant.
- There’s always sheer tenacity. If I fail the first time, take it gracefully, but keep coming back.
As of writing right now, I am no longer in the hall outside of information design class waiting for it to begin; I am in class, and the teacher is going around student to student to see how our projects are going (I’m going with the IQ thing again, but focusing it more so hopefully I’ll have an actual direction this time.) I told him my plans on that, and on this major change (and it’s frustrating to me right now how “major” is also an adjective, that’s confusing,) and he took it well (sweet, maybe I should also pull that on my interaction design teacher so he goes easy on me when it turns out that the project due on Monday isn’t complete yet, I mean, it is a pretty compelling reason to be behind) and offered up suggestions of his own on how to go about it and whom to go to:
Brian Adkinson– photography.
Wade Huntsman (office next to Bro Franson’s)– illustration.
Show: Portfolio/work; ask about leveraging something I’ve already learned hopefully.
Tell: Graphic design not jiving, but still want to stick with my major-type thing. Describe to them why I like the arts; create some tack that can hopefully match the skills I’ve already developed- late enough in game that
It cuts off there; I’m not sure “that” what; those are just the notes I took from our convo. Late enough in the game that I’ve got skills, pretty specific ones, developed, is probably it. I mean, the shorthand did make sense when I wrote it.
My grades have been slipping lower and lower as I’ve been taking more and more design classes, and now I’m just barely holding onto my Pell grant (3.0 average needed, while I’m as of last semester at 3.1111.) I’m 80% sure that I’ve got enough money saved up that I’d be able to survive maybe one semester without receiving the sweet cool nectar of federal funding, and maybe I’d be able to hike the grade point average back up from there, but that’s plan C at this point. Plan A is to pass my classes, using the leverage of “please please please I need a 3.0 average at least and then I’m out of your hair” if need B. (Looks like it’s working so far, given the, IQ project advice, thing.)
So that’s the, stuff. Gather what I know. See how I can leverage it. See how it can fit in with some major (noun) change. Degree, that’s the word. See how what I know can fit into a degree change. Talk it over with the professors heading their respective departments. See if we can come up with a plan from there, and if we even need to haggle with the degree office. Work it out from there.
Pretzelize Me, Cap’n! 